Healthy & Unhealthy Relationships

Relationships are different for everyone; however, they should add to your life and make you feel happy and excited.

Relationships should not make you feel scared, frightened, confused, upset or hurt or not feeling good about yourself.

Is your relationship healthy?

The following statements are signs the relationship you are in is healthy:

Does your boyfriend / girlfriend / partner....

Compliment you on what you are wearing, how you look?
Have an interest in your life, but isn't possessive, controlling or demanding?
Make you feel happy?
Make effort and look forward to seeing you?
Respect your views and decisions, and allow for boundaries?
Allow you to have conversations without feeling uncomfortable or make you worry about how they might react?
Doesn't raise their voice or shout at you?
Takes responsibility for their behaviour / actions?
Allow you to have friends and your own interests?

Is your relationship unhealthy?

The following statements are some warning signs that the relationship you are in is unhealthy:

Does your boyfriend / girlfriend / partner....

Always ask who you are getting messages from or who you are talking to?
Ask to look through your phone?
Scare you in anyway?
Tell you what to spend your money on or take it from you?
Get excessively jealous?
Stop you from seeing your friends / family?
Gets angry or shouts at you?
Says, 'if you really love me you would...' when they want you to do something, that you don't want to do?
Punch, smack, kick, throw things at you, or hurt you physically?
Never take responsibility for their feelings / actions?
Push the blame onto you?
Force you to get intimate or have sex when you don't want to?
Turn up unannounced?

Healthy and Unhealthy Behaviours

Positive boundaries, good, clear communication and trust are just a few things which imply you are in a healthy relationship.

Watch the video by Always, to see other 'healthy' behaviours and find out about what isn't so healthy when you're in relationship.

Worried your relationship is unhealthy or abusive?

If a few or several of the above are happening in your relationship, it could be abuse.

If you think you are a victim of abuse or are worried about something, speak to someone you can trust.

In Wakefield there are various agencies you can go to for support or people you could talk to for help:

Teachers / School Staff
Parents or trusted family member
Police (if in immediate danger)
Wakefield District Domestic Abuse Service (WDDAS)
WF-I-Can
Rosalie Ryrie Foundation
Victim Support
Night Owls

Types of abuse that can occur in a relationship:

Coercive Control & Manipulation
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Coercive Control is when a perpetrator subjects a partner to a sustained pattern of controlling, threatening or humiliating behaviour.

Manipulation is the skilful handling, controlling or using of someone or something in a clever or suspicious way.
Gaslighting
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Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse, where a person makes someone question themselves and their version of reality.

They also make them feel anxious, confused or as though they cannot trust themselves.
Physical Abuse
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Physical Abuse is any intentional act (for example hitting or kicking with hands/feet or an object) causing injury or trauma to another person.
Emotional Abuse
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Emotional Abuse involves controlling another person by use of 'emotion', to embarrass, criticise, shame and blame another person.

This behaviour can wear down a person's self-esteem and their mental health.
Sexual Abuse
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Sexual Abuse is when someone is forced, pressured or tricked into taking part in any kind of sexual activity with another person.

What is Consent?

Consent giving permission for something to happen.

Consent in relationships is very important.

The Sexual Offences Act 2003 says that someone consents to sexual activity if they have both the freedom and capacity to do so.

If someone says ‘no’ to any kind of sexual activity they are not agreeing to it. Additionally, if someone doesn’t say ‘no’ out loud, that doesn’t automatically mean they have agreed to it either.

To learn more about consent in a relationship, please click here.

Tea & Consent

by Thames Valley Police

If you’re still struggling with consent, just imagine instead of initiating sex you’re making them a cup of tea.

Think a friend or someone you know could be in an abusive relationship?

Know the signs, so you can help

Change of appearance:
- Do they wear different clothes?
- Is their hair different?
- Have they started wearing more make up?
- Have they lost or gained weight excessively quite quickly?
Change of behaviour:
- Has their attitude changed?
- Do they go home earlier after a night out?
- Are they quieter than normal?
- Are they going out all the time and staying out late?
Change of communication:
- Has communication between you and them slowed or stopped completely?
- Do plans frequently get cancelled last minute?
- Can you contact them?
- When you see them are they constantly on their phone?